The Tranquility of Non-Addiction

Find out for yourself. But I’ll bet you, one, that when you apply your direct understanding of the Four Noble Truths to your self, to your own situation, to your own interior, this understanding will lead to thoughts or intentions of renunciation.

When we see how our lives are saturated with dis-ease and agitation, and we understand from our own direct investigation that this dis-ease comes from craving or clinging to things, the mind naturally begins to move toward renunciation. Stockholm Syndrome no longer deludes us and we stop clinging to that which keeps us imprisoned, to that which strips us of our joy, peace, and freedom.

And, two, when you apply it to your relationship with the world and to your relationships with others, you will experience more and more thoughts or intentions of loving-kindness and compassion. But we’ll explore these another time.

Today, we’re going to explore thoughts or intentions of renunciation and how these thoughts or intentions can blanket us with an overwhelming sense of peace, joy, and freedom.

When we investigate desire directly and honestly, when we move past the surface, we discover that dukkha constantly lurks in its shadows, often as a steady strain of discontent. Desire and dukkha are always interwoven. Just consider the process of wanting. At the moment a desire arises, we feel a sense of lack, the pain of want. So, to end this pain, we try to fulfill the desire. And if we fail, we get frustrated, disappointed, and sometimes even collapse into despair or depression.

On the other side, even if we satisfy our desire, dukkha’s still there. We worry about losing our new possession, and so we fortify it and cling to it. Or, after we get our hit of pleasure, we try to get another; we look for more more and more of it, or try to get higher doses of pleasure. But, like all things, the pleasant feeling it brings about is impermanent. Often it lasts for only a fraction of a moment. Whether the desire is sex, food, wealth, power, or a relationship, loss and the pain that accompanies it is inevitable.

Reflecting on the dukkha that is inherent in desire is one way to move away from desire and toward renunciation. Another way is to reflect on the benefits of renunciation. It is not, as you likely imagine, to move away from happiness to grief, from abundance to destitution. It is to untie yourself from an entanglement in crude and quickly passing pleasures to a steady and reliable happiness and peace. It is to pass from slavery and bondage to self-mastery and freedom.

Look for yourself and see that, under the surface, desire breeds fear, dis-ease, and sorrow, and that renunciation builds fearlessness, ease, and uninterrupted joy.

The Buddha called the blessing of renunciation a cleansing of the mind. Just like when you fast and clear the body of toxins and contaminants, renunciation brings a purity, clarity, simplicity, and contentment to the mind that stands in stark contrast to the busyness, clutter, and constant nagging desires of everyday life.

To many of us, especially in the West, renunciation sounds bleak and dreary. It brings up feelings of repression, lack, deprivation, and scarcity. So, we naturally meet it with resistence. But really, what we’re trying to capture here is living without addiction. I’ve found this reframe, offered by Joseph Goldstein, to be very helpful in my own practice.

We’re all familiar with a mind that’s caught up in addiction. It’s no fun. We say and do things we otherwise wouldn’t, and end up hurting ourselves and others, often even those we hold most dear. It can be or feel like a total disaster when we don’t satisfy our addiction. We have no freedom. We live out of desperation and lack and fear.

Again, in the moment of gratification, our addictions do give us pleasure. But then we grasp at them, and feel the lack when the pleasure fades. So, we reach for them again and again, or we look for some other momentary satisfaction, and then another and another, until we’re drowning in desire.

I invite you to look at your daily habits and see how hard it would be to let each of them go.

And I want to widen your lens here to include some habits you may not have thought of. In addition to habits, penchants, and proclivities around food, drinks, sex, masturbation, drugs, movies, and music, also consider habitual tendencies around comfort, work, esteem, wealth, power, dress, organization, cleanliness, and control.

What about your phone, email, and social media? Can you put those down?

What about moods, mind-states, or emotions? Are you addicted to calm, excitement, rapture, or even to fear, the thrill of watching a scary movie or going to a haunted house?

Is it a habit to expect your meditation to go a certain way? Are you addicted to your meditation practice itself? Do you get grumpy if it’s interrupted or if you’re not able to fit it into your schedule?

What about the habitual quality of your attention? Investigate that. Is the habit of your attention scattered and racing? Is it tight, rigid, and strict? Is it relaxed and casual, a bit dull and lazy?

Can you renounce proliferating thoughts, particularly thoughts of “I-me-mine,” and instead come back to the simplicity of the moment — to the seamless and interconnected ever-changing field of sounds, sensations, perceptions, feelings, thoughts, and emotions?

Also consider if you’re addicted to wanting itself. Do you find yourself scrolling through Amazon or Etsy, or walking through Target, though there’s nothing you need? You’re not alone. We all find enjoyment in wanting. The wanting is what gives us a hit of dopamine.

Again, look at your habitual patterns for the day, your email, social media, phone, coffee, and sleep habits, and see what it would take to change those habits. You might be surprised at how hard it is to skip your hot shower, say, or your morning coffee. But go ahead and practice letting it go. See if it opens some space in the mind.

As Joseph Goldstein says, renunciation aerates our lives and our habits. It allows for the biodegradation of those habits that no longer serve us. It clears space and provides the energy necessary for new growth.

Another very helpful practice I learned from Joseph Goldstein is what he calls the Wisdom of ‘No.’ Often in meditation and spiritual practice the emphasis is on acceptance and surrender, which is an extremely important concept and aspect of spiritual life. But sometimes we get stuck in this framing and forget to recognize and acknowledge that some things just aren’t helpful. They don’t lead to peace, freedom, and happiness.

So, it’s important to also learn the practice of saying ‘no’. This is an art. We need to learn how to do it from a place of wisdom, from a place of love, kindness, and interconnectedness. When we say no with wisdom, we’re not being oppressive or avoidant. It doesn’t mean we push things away or deny their presence. We don’t cast judgments at or have aversion to what’s arising.

With the ‘wisdom of no’, or what Buddhists call ‘wise restraint,’ we open to everything in our experience. But with clear comprehension, we discern which thoughts, mind-states, situations, and actions are skillful and which are not, which bring peace and happiness and which bring suffering. And we turn away from those things that add to the world’s suffering, not out of hate but out of love.

You who are parents will be familiar with this. It’s like saying ‘no’ to our kid who is about to do something harmful. It’s a ‘no’ of care, love, and concern. Like Goldstein says, be aware of the mind’s inner two-year-old. Be a wise and loving parent to yourself. Remind yourself, ‘no’ that’s not a good idea.

Again, Sawyadow U Tejania suggested practice is useful here. As you watch proliferating or repetitive desires, ask ‘is this helpful or harmful? Does this support my freedom or take it away?’ Allow the power of no to become the expression of a free mind.

See if you can settle back and allow desires to arise and pass on their own, without reacting to them. And try to notice that moment when you go from being lost in wanting to being free from it. Does it feel like you’ve been let out of the grip of something? Do you open to a more expansive, spacious, and easful awareness? Feel and know for yourself the greater sense of ease in not wanting than in wanting.

As you continue to explore the Dharma directly for yourself, as you open more and more to the mind-body process, your mind will gradually steer away from the tyranny of desire. This of course won’t happen suddenly, but bit by bit, with persistent practice, I think you’ll discover that intentions of renunciation will continue to exile intentions of desire.

Renunciation promotes every arena of training in the eightfold path, it really captures the whole of Dharma practice, it asks us to surrender every thing until, finally, we dissolve into the undivided Whole.

“There is a reality. You are that reality. When we understand this, we see that we are nothing. Being nothing, we are everything.” — Kalu Rinpoche

May you embody lasting peace,