– I Cannot Be Without You –

When you imagine yourself, what do you see? When asked who you are, what do you say? When you look for yourself, what do you find?

To examine and understand myself, I sometimes find myself stripping away everything that ostensibly isn’t me. I start small. Am I the chair I am sitting on? No. Am I the house I live in, or any of the material objects in it? No. Am I the person sitting across from me? No.

Then, I move bigger. I start stripping away the land, the oceans, the sky. I strip away the sun and moon. I strip away the earth. I strip away the galaxy and all other galaxies. I strip away dark matter. I strip away the forces.

Now I find myself here alone, suspended in empty space. But I continue to look for who or what I am, my essence. Am I my foot? No, if I lost my foot, I would still be me. What about my hair, skin, and bones? No, scientists tell me that every cell in my body is replaced every few years, give or take, depending on the particular cell. So, I strip it all away.

Am I my senses — sights, smells, sounds, tastes, and/or sensations? How could I be? They disappear as fast as they arise. And anyway, here in space, my senses are empty since there is no world to perceive.

Am I my thoughts, feelings, and emotions? Well, no. Again, each of these fade as quickly as they come into being. Plus, thoughts are full of so much content — people, places, memories, color, voices, which are made of the stuff of experience, the stuff I gained through my senses. I already stripped these away.

The Truth of Emptiness or Inter-Being

The late and famous Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh coined the term “Inter-Being” to describe an ancient Buddhist concept known as the truth of emptiness. The truth of emptiness recognizes that there is no separate self, cut off from the rest of existence, but rather that everything inter-is.

“When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe.” — John Muir

You and I are the same, and we are different. We are made of everything else in the world. You can use scientific terms like protons and neutrons, atoms and molecules, cells and energy. Or you can use phenomenological terms — mind stuff, what dreams are made of, qualia, or experience. Either way, you and I cannot exist without all the rest.

“We’re the same, like we’re all made of matter. It makes me feel like we’re both under the same blanket. It’s soft and fuzzy and everything under it is the same age. We’re all 13 billion years old.” — Samantha, Her (2013)

In my experience, recognizing this, not just once but again and again, helps move me in the direction of compassion. When I recognize that you are not apart from me, that we are inextricably bound up together, that your happiness and sorrow is my own, my heart naturally softens.

Those things about you that really bothered me, don’t bother me so much anymore. When I look deeply enough, I can see those parts in myself. So again, my reaction is not aversion, it’s not hatred or anger or frustration, it is the heart-felt wish for you to find peace.

“When you recognize the empty nature, the energy to bring about the good of others dawns uncontrived and effortless.” — Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche

May you truly be at peace,

John Driggs | Meditation Teacher & Founder of The Space of Possibility Podcast, Blog, & Retreat Center | Explore & Expand the Space of Possibility that You are!